Finding Satisfaction

Sometimes life is akin to an unending battle, where we run and fight, work and strive, knock and search, cry and push, to get what we want but to no avail. The battle remains un-won, the door stays unopened. When I look around me, I see people searching for something, whether they know it or not. There is a brokenness and emptiness inside them that they try to fill with a meaninglessness that drains them further. Lost and confused, they grope in the dark deluded into believing they can see. We live in a broken world marked by discontent. We all want something more, thinking that if we obtain that one thing, we will be happy and life will make sense. We overlook the little blessings that pepper our everyday lives, those ordinary miracles that are all pointing to the one thing we really need. Perhaps for some that One thing is glaringly obvious but for others they are blinded to what their hungry hearts need most: God. Whether our wandering, discontented, prideful hearts always admit to it or not, the truth is that God is the only one who can fully satisfy us, who can heal our brokenness and full our emptiness in a way that nothing else can. Yet why, even those of us who know Him intimately and know the truth, do we run after meaninglessness and things that will never satisfy us? Why are we so quick to build up idols when we know they will topple and bring us on our faces yet again? Why do we not see God’s goodness and perfection? I think the main problem is pride and ingratitude. We think we know best and we doubt God’s goodness, that He can and does give us good things. We forget that God has already given us the best gift: Himself. If we truly surrender ourselves to Him, we will see that we do not need anything but Him. Perhaps when we learn to be content in God, we shall see all those little blessings that He bestows upon us despite our sinfulness, our wandering and faithlessness. And we shall discover something beautiful: in letting go and finding our satisfaction in God alone, we shall find the joy we desire.

In Search of Worth

I have had times in my life when, honestly, I really did not like myself. And I don’t mean I had these feelings years ago; this is a struggle that I have experienced for too many years until very recently. For so long the enemy has droned his lies in my ears that I am worthless, not good enough, undesirable, boring, awkward, that no one could really like me. And too often I believed him and gave him the sweet satisfaction of seeing me down and out because I truly believed I was a worthless specimen. But God has been doing a work in my heart for the last year and a bit, especially the first half of this year. He dug in places that hurt and took me through a season that was both painful and freeing. Through a difficult time of loneliness last semester, God showed me that I had been placing my worth in others’ opinions of me and that I had been drenching myself in Satan’s lies. I had not been looking to Him for affirmation, love, security and my identity but to people who can never satisfy. When I took my insecurities, loneliness and brokenness to Him, He revealed Himself as my healer, redeemer, faithful Father and best friend. 

Through a difficult time, God was working and pouring His truth into my life. He showed me that my worth lies in Him and Him alone. He told me that He loves me just as I am. That I am loved, chosen, favoured, worthwhile, enough, beautiful, a treasure and that I am His daughter. If you ever feel worthless or not good enough, I want to tell that I know all too well what that is like and even though I am now feeling more secure in my identity in Jesus, I still have many moments of weakness and it was a long battle to get to where I am today. I also want to tell you to stop listening to the enemy’s lies because when we do, we give him the victory. Instead, we need to immerse ourselves in God’s truth and know that when He sees us, He is filled with pride and joy.  We are His daughters and He delights in us. Keep being the beautiful woman He has created you. In my search for worth, I realised that my worth lay in the Creator of the Universe, in the One who calls the stars by name and loves us more than we will ever deserve.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine… Since you were precious in My sight, you have been honoured, and I have loved you.”- Isaiah 43: 1,4